Still Racing
In 20 years of running races, I never dropped out. As a young runner I was taught that dropping out of a race even once would make it easier to justify in future races and could lead to a bad habit of quitting. This advice resonated with me and I developed the habit of always finishing a race. Now I’m retired and there are no “DNF”s (did not finish) to my name, but there were certainly some close calls.
My friends and family would say I have a pretty bad memory (I do) but this memory is still vivid in my mind: The closest I ever came to dropping out was in the first round of the 5000m at the 2015 World Championships in Beijing.
Just 2 days prior to the 5000m, I had been eliminated in round 1 of the 1500m. Quite frankly, I was devastated. It’s easy to look back and see that it was just a race and objectively recognize the tactical mistake I made, but that bad race was more than a disappointment. Even though it was “just a race,” I suffered deep anguish and disillusionment. I know that a bad race is nothing compared to the depths of pain in this world, but my despair in that moment was as painful as anything I had personally suffered. Rational or not, pain is valid and I was hurting.
But — I had another opportunity in the 5000m.
This photo was taken sometime during the first 2km of the race. I know because after that I went out the back door. (photo courtesy of Athletics Canada)
This was the first and only time I ever contested the 5000m on the world stage. I went to the start line emotionally empty, but as the race started out at a relatively conservative pace, I put myself in it and got in position right near the front. It was summer in Beijing, and it was so hot. Before the halfway point I started to fade backward in exhaustion. I remember having over 3km to go and not knowing how I could possibly finish. Every lap on the backstretch I looked longingly into the infield and imagined myself collapsing into the grass.
Nicole Sifuentes, 15:50.99.
Somehow I made it.
I don’t run in races anymore, but figuratively I'm still racing. I’m currently in the middle of an even longer race. Lifelong. The Bible teaches that the Christian life is like an endurance race: let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,(a)
Running this race has been on my mind a lot lately. Heartbreakingly, I learned that a friend who once loved Jesus and helped me in my faith, walked away from Him. We were running the same race, but they stopped running. They left their faith and stopped pursuing Jesus. I've struggled with it, wondering how will I be able to finish the race, if they were not?
Am I strong enough?
Was their faith true?
Is mine?
People just like me have turned away from Jesus who was once their greatest love. In this sadness and uncertainty I asked for prayer and asked God for peace and for answers, for hope that I might be able to endure.
In this world you will have troubles,(b)
the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith,(c)
the love of most will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.(d) My brothers and sisters, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.(e) I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.(f) you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.(g)
(all scripture references are listed below)
Right now my pursuit of God feels more urgent than ever, it's the only race that matters now. I wrote this blog for anyone out there running with me. Please encourage and pray for each other. Keep seeking the Lord every single day and no matter what, let's keep running.
…if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:12-13
Scripture References: (a)Hebrews 12:1-2 (b) John 16:33 (c)1 Timothy 4:1 (d) Matthew 24:12-13 (e)2 Peter 1:10-11 (f)2 Timothy 4:7 (g)1 Peter 1:9