Parents of Student-Athletes: Your Role
This is the 7th part of a mini-series on Tips for High School Runners.
Parents- what can you do to help your high schooler succeed as they transition out of high school and as they begin their undergraduate degree?
Please note that I am not a parent. Here are some of my thoughts and opinions based on my experience as a coach, based on the parent and student-athlete interactions I’ve witnessed, as well as my own experience as a student-athlete.
Regarding Choice of College or University
Your child will become an adult while earning their degree so encourage them in their growing independence by allowing them to be the primary decision maker in this big choice. Help by asking thoughtful and important questions as they consider their options, but try not to let your own preferences sway their decision.
Sometimes (and this is very sad) parents can become self-centered during the recruiting process. Parents want to be treated like kings and queens while visiting campuses, especially if their child is a star athlete. The parents lean heavily toward the school that makes them feel the most desired or special. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. As a parent, do not make the college choice about which coach gave you the most attention. Do not allow your sense of self-importance to influence their choice.
Regarding Performance & Training
Far too often I have witnessed damaging behavior by parents who are overly concerned with their child’s performance outcomes. They insist on speaking at length with their child about strategy and small details prior to competitions rather than simply being a supportive presence.
On that note, the parent ideally will not be discussing strategy and every little training detail with the coach, either. Of course, it is important that the parents have open communication with the coach to build trust and confidence. However, open communication does not mean daily or weekly phone calls, emails and texts from parents to the coach.
As mentioned in Private Coaching for High School Students, multiple coaches (who aren’t working together) can really complicate a situation, especially if one of those “coaches” is a parent.
Your child does not need you to be another coach. They need reassurance that their best effort is and will always be enough. They need encouragement to have fun. They need you to attend their races, cheer them on and be their biggest fan.
Regarding Performance Outcomes
While the world values winning, the parent can and should value effort over outcome in their child’s performance, every single time.
Learning to emphasize effort and commitment over winning is very hard for driven student-athletes. After all, great performances are the only thing that seems to matter in the sporting world. Effort doesn’t win medals or earn glory. But effort is the one thing athletes have control over. They should be encouraged to do their best and find peace in that - regardless of wins and losses.
Regarding Disappointment
Even if a student-athlete does their best, it is often not good enough for their dream result. Sometimes the result of our best effort is even worse than expected. This is naturally disappointing, and that’s okay. The parent should share in the child’s disappointment and validate it even while praising them for the right effort (assuming the child did not give up or slack off).
I believe parents should eliminate their personal desire to succeed through their offspring. If you want your child to excel in sports it should be only because that is what they want for themselves, and you support their goals. As a parent, learn to be completely, fully satisfied with the appropriate effort and commitment from your child regardless of the performance outcome. This will help prevent you from adding additional pressure to their sporting endeavours.
Upcoming Final Topic
Freshman Year - Tips for success and adjustment during the first year of college/university.
Nicole Sifuentes is a full-time Running Coach for adults of all ages and abilities. She is a former professional runner and 2-time Olympian, and Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist. Read more about her services, and schedule your free coaching consultation.